Monday, March 17, 2008
Note on archived posts...
It had been my endeavor to publish my old articles here just as they were when they were finished and/or published in the Wisconsin Christian News. Some of them are over 2 years old. I now prefer to use only the KJV of the Bible to quote scripture references but there may be a few quotes throughout that are from the NKJV. If this is a problem to some readers, I apologize. At this time , however, I do not plan to go back and re-reference the quotes.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Runaway Chickens
My husband and I made the move from the city to the country about 3 years ago. Neither of us knew too much about rural living, but we did our best to read up on some things and figured we'd make the most out of it.
It was a tough decision for my usually "steady" man to buy this 30 yr. old home on 8+ acres. He builds beautiful, luxurious homes for a living. Neither of us would want a home as glamorous as the ones he typically constructs, but he has always wanted to live in one he has built. Well, that is still a dream in progress; because as I stated before, my typically "steady" man announced to me just 2 months before I was due with my 3rd son that we were moving to the country! I had already gotten the nursery all situated at our old house!!! But I am usually up for any adventure so I gladly packed the house all up and, just 2 weeks before our son was born, got us all situated in the new place.
Thus began a whole new life for us. I knew right off that I wanted to raise chickens. There just seemed to be something so motherly and feminine about tending to a flock of chickens. I got books from the library on how to raise them from chicks and placed an internet order. Who knew that chicks come in the mail? Our first time brooding was a huge success! No fatalities. They were all Rhode Island Reds. I didn't know then that they tend to be feisty. Well, at that time we had converted one stall in our stables into a coop. My husband built a beautiful row of nesting box es and we chicken-wired the whole thing to keep critters out. Eventually the eggs came in abundance and we were able to sell some to our friends and family. We were horrible at butchering the roosters our first time at it, though. It was quite the experience (I'll save it for another time!). Sadly, we began to get lax about shutting the stall door at night. At that time we still didn't have any electric lights out there and it was a cold, dark walk from the house to the barn. My hubby took it upon himself to make it his job; especially after a few run-ins with some deer who were strangely not skiddish and frightened him a time or two. I was grateful as I dreaded running into the big dark barn to shut the door. Honestly, I was beginning to dread opening it in the morning too as the chickens would chase me all the way back up to the house (those feisty RIRs!). Well, it wasn't long before no one was shutting the stall door at night. Raccoons and foxes picked off a few of the chickens. We felt like such bad "parents". After that the chickens wouldn't go "home" anymore. Instead they roosted in parts of an old truck we had pieced all over the back of the garage and a few even came up closer to the house and tried nesting in our windows. Over time, they began to disappear into the woods, probably flocking up with neighboring chickens or becoming victims to more racoons. We were down to just a few hens. It was sad. One day, as I was driving home from the country grocery store, I saw the last of our pretty red hens running down the highway. Seriously! My chicken was bolting down the highway (in the gravel at the shoulder)! I didn't know if I should pull over and try to shoo her into the van or what!?! It's not like a pet dog that runs away. I just glanced in the rearview mirror and said goodbye. We ended up being such terrible country-dwellers that fist year that my chickens ran away. Truly, truly embarrassing! We can laugh about it now because we've gotten a lot better at it and our chickens like it here now but it was something quite different then!
To tell you the truth, we have wanted to give up many times since we first moved here. It is not easy! But, no one said it would be. And we now know that it wouldn't be nearly as fun or rewarding if it WERE easy. It is good, clean, fun, HARD WORK! I do have to remind my hubby when he gets overwhelmed that someday we will have three teenage sons who need a pace to tromp and play and work and this is just the place for it.
What ever became of my runaway chicken? She took up residence right smack dab in the middle of a golf course a few miles down the road... stupid chicken ... must have looked like a big red bulls-eye to the neighborhood red-tailed hawks...
It was a tough decision for my usually "steady" man to buy this 30 yr. old home on 8+ acres. He builds beautiful, luxurious homes for a living. Neither of us would want a home as glamorous as the ones he typically constructs, but he has always wanted to live in one he has built. Well, that is still a dream in progress; because as I stated before, my typically "steady" man announced to me just 2 months before I was due with my 3rd son that we were moving to the country! I had already gotten the nursery all situated at our old house!!! But I am usually up for any adventure so I gladly packed the house all up and, just 2 weeks before our son was born, got us all situated in the new place.
Thus began a whole new life for us. I knew right off that I wanted to raise chickens. There just seemed to be something so motherly and feminine about tending to a flock of chickens. I got books from the library on how to raise them from chicks and placed an internet order. Who knew that chicks come in the mail? Our first time brooding was a huge success! No fatalities. They were all Rhode Island Reds. I didn't know then that they tend to be feisty. Well, at that time we had converted one stall in our stables into a coop. My husband built a beautiful row of nesting box es and we chicken-wired the whole thing to keep critters out. Eventually the eggs came in abundance and we were able to sell some to our friends and family. We were horrible at butchering the roosters our first time at it, though. It was quite the experience (I'll save it for another time!). Sadly, we began to get lax about shutting the stall door at night. At that time we still didn't have any electric lights out there and it was a cold, dark walk from the house to the barn. My hubby took it upon himself to make it his job; especially after a few run-ins with some deer who were strangely not skiddish and frightened him a time or two. I was grateful as I dreaded running into the big dark barn to shut the door. Honestly, I was beginning to dread opening it in the morning too as the chickens would chase me all the way back up to the house (those feisty RIRs!). Well, it wasn't long before no one was shutting the stall door at night. Raccoons and foxes picked off a few of the chickens. We felt like such bad "parents". After that the chickens wouldn't go "home" anymore. Instead they roosted in parts of an old truck we had pieced all over the back of the garage and a few even came up closer to the house and tried nesting in our windows. Over time, they began to disappear into the woods, probably flocking up with neighboring chickens or becoming victims to more racoons. We were down to just a few hens. It was sad. One day, as I was driving home from the country grocery store, I saw the last of our pretty red hens running down the highway. Seriously! My chicken was bolting down the highway (in the gravel at the shoulder)! I didn't know if I should pull over and try to shoo her into the van or what!?! It's not like a pet dog that runs away. I just glanced in the rearview mirror and said goodbye. We ended up being such terrible country-dwellers that fist year that my chickens ran away. Truly, truly embarrassing! We can laugh about it now because we've gotten a lot better at it and our chickens like it here now but it was something quite different then!
To tell you the truth, we have wanted to give up many times since we first moved here. It is not easy! But, no one said it would be. And we now know that it wouldn't be nearly as fun or rewarding if it WERE easy. It is good, clean, fun, HARD WORK! I do have to remind my hubby when he gets overwhelmed that someday we will have three teenage sons who need a pace to tromp and play and work and this is just the place for it.
What ever became of my runaway chicken? She took up residence right smack dab in the middle of a golf course a few miles down the road... stupid chicken ... must have looked like a big red bulls-eye to the neighborhood red-tailed hawks...
Beginnings
This is my first time blogging... I am totally new to the world of blogs. I hope for this to be a place to archive some of my articles, many of which have been in print in a local Christian newspaper. I have always enjoyed writing for pleasure and am thrilled when it can be used to bring glory to God.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Can-Do Kids
Recently, in a conversation with my sister-in-law, it was brought to my attention how important it is to focus on our kids’ abilities and strengths. We were discussing the differences in a child between when they are included in a task and when they are told to “go play” while the adult does the task. We agreed that children told to occupy themselves elsewhere often portrayed sunken shoulders, a defeated stance, and had disappointment written on their faces. However, when included in what the adult was doing to some degree, the child would glow and be very confident and content. I knew from experience that this was so because I had been a child too often told to entertain myself and “go play”. I dwelled on this for a time and reviewed some key child-rearing books and scriptures that have helped mold our viewpoint on the subject. I realized that what was instilled in me as a child on how to interact with a child (the “go play” attitude) was not God’s best. Certainly, I do not mean that a child should be “entertained” by an adult and needs to have one on one attention 100% of the time; as there are many tasks a child is capable of doing on their own accord. But I realized that if we want children to view themselves as worthy, capable individuals, we need to train them up as such.
I think parents often buy the lie that children “can’t”. Can’t understand, can’t do it right, can’t sit still long enough, can’t obey…etc. I wonder how many of those times that the issue really isn’t that the parent just doesn’t want to take the time to see. When I really thought about those motives behind telling a child to “go on and play”, it is mostly selfish in just trying to complete a task the easiest and most efficient way possible. Truthfully, most daily tasks are more efficient and much, much easier if I do them myself. What service would it be to the children though if they were never afforded the opportunity of learning how to do those daily tasks? Many parents assume that by watching them do something every day, their child is learning how to do them for themselves but it just doesn’t work that way. I wouldn’t have wanted my dad to just expect me to have known how to drive the day I turned 16 just because I had sat in a car on occasion for 16 years prior. I then balked at the idea of viewing kids as “Can’t” and focusing on what they can’t do. I believe God wants us to raise “Can do” kids.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. " Proverbs 22:6 KJV
Here the scriptures instruct parents to teach their children all day long and in everything we are doing. It is referring to teaching them God’s word but the principal involved works for everything in life. If we want strong-minded, capable, able, self-sufficient children who grow up to be assets to society and servants in the Kingdom of God, shouldn’t we start now? God’s plan is for parents to include their kids in all the activities of life. This not only helps the child learn a realistic view of how life operates but helps them be unselfish and feel valued as a part of a whole. How unimportant the child who is told to “go play” must feel. I remember feeling that way; like I was a nuisance. I also remember being so mind-numbingly bored because I was given no direction for myself and did not yet possess the skills to properly direct myself. I don’t blame my parents - they were merely following after the footsteps of their parents. My point is that just because we may have been inadvertently taught something in regards to raising our children, if it doesn’t line up with God’s Word, it is more than acceptable to abandon the practice.
Think of the child who is never expected to do work at home. They grow up having mom make their bed and prepare all the meals, maybe even clean their room for them. They surely start out feeling unimportant by the lack of inclusion and incapable, but over time they come to expect this work to be done for them. They turn into a selfish teen and then adult who “doesn’t wanna” do the chores, fix the meals, do the work, etc. – a freeloader with nothing useful to contribute and no skills to anyhow. No one wants to hire a person like that; I dare say no one would want to BE a person like that if given the choice beforehand.
If we begin to view our children on the basis of what they CAN do, what they ARE capable of, within each task that we are doing, it makes for a better situation all around. For example, when I am babysitting my niece and nephew I have 4 little boys in the house (7, 5, 3, and 2) and the one girl (20 months). I make a point of saying to my niece, “While the boys are doing ______, Auntie has to fix lunch. I’m the momma so that’s my job, come and help me.” I then bring her in the kitchen with me and put her in her highchair. I give her a bowl of some sort and a spoon and sometimes I even put a teeny bit of water in the bowl so she really feels like she is stirring something. I pull her highchair as close to where I am working as possible without it being dangerous (like by the stove) or completely blocking my path and then I cook, talking to her the whole time about what “we” are doing. She is “helping” me make the meal - I couldn’t do it without her “help.” You see, I know that at 20 months old there is very little she can actually do to help me cook lunch, but someday she will be a grown-up momma and need to be very used to fixing the meals. How pleasant I could help make that for her by teaching her from this young age that it is our special job to do this for the family. She “gets” to come with Auntie to help make the meal, she “can do” it. Of course, in the short-term it would be easier for me to sit her on the floor in the room with the other children surrounded by some toys and walk away to accomplish my task - and there certainly is a time and a place for that, but training them becomes so much more edifying for both of us when I seek out as many chances to include them in what I’m doing. Besides, I would rather her view these life-tasks as a joy rather than bondage.
Each of my 3 boys helps me cook often too, as well as clean and do all sorts of household things. Sometimes even a simple batch of cookies can turn into a whole project giving each child a special task and seeing to it that they complete it as right as possible. And it certainly CAN be fraying on one’s nerves at times, especially if you feel rushed a lot, but when I remind myself that I want “can do” kids, it becomes a joy for me to include them. They really do get better and better at their tasks each time they are given the opportunity to. Besides, what’s a few eggshells in the batter in the grand scheme of things?
My two oldest boys have begun to “work” at their grandmother’s house on alternating weeks to try and earn their own spending money. She picks one of them up for a few hours and gives them a list of things to do around her house. The first time, she was amazed at what they already knew how to do and how well they followed instructions at just seven and five years old! I said, “Oh yes, they are very good helpers, very useful.” I want my kids to be “can do” kids. I want them to be able-bodied and to be useful to others and themselves. It makes them feel valuable too. It sure is reflected in how they view themselves; they know they are assets to the family and that they are capable of worthy work. Even my 2 year old is an excellent helper. His daddy is so used to him accompanying any “handyman” type jobs around the house that he doesn’t like to do them without the toddler anymore. I will see him (my husband) almost pout if the little guy goes down for a nap or something before the job is finished because he doesn’t want to do it alone anymore. It is so precious for the kids to be that important and valuable to us! The little boy even thinks Daddy can’t do jobs without him. If Daddy says he needs to go feed the animals outside, my son instantly heads for the door to get his shoes. He knows if Daddy has a job to do that it is his job to help get it done because Daddy needs him!
I am also exceedingly thankful that the Lord doesn’t view us based on our “cant’s.” He often calls “those things that be not as thought they were”. (Romans 4:17) I know for a fact that he has done that in my life: calling me a grateful wife and patient mother before I ever had notion to be either, calling me his child and faithful servant (don’t think I’ll ever deserve THAT one), and leading me by His Spirit toward those marks. I could almost hear Him singing those words softly over me the whole time. If we, as parents, prayerfully consider the “marks” we hold out for our children to reach, we too, can lead them there step by step and watch them not only hit the marks but surpass them. That is our whole job and the whole point of parenthood! What a gift to understand that while they’re young and not only in retrospect. We won’t do everything right all the time as parents for we are not perfect nor do we live in a perfect world with perfect circumstances. However, doing things God’s way will always produce the most amount of true lasting joy and satisfaction.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4 KJV
When we approach our children and their training in light of what they “can do” and not based on what we could do easier without them, it helps the whole family order come into a blessed perspective. Someday, Lord willing, my “can do” kids will be equipped to raise “can do” grandkids and they will all carry an heritage not only of confidence and worthiness in work, but that also of fellowship and joy within the family. How sweet the thought of that is!
~ Amanda Paul
I think parents often buy the lie that children “can’t”. Can’t understand, can’t do it right, can’t sit still long enough, can’t obey…etc. I wonder how many of those times that the issue really isn’t that the parent just doesn’t want to take the time to see. When I really thought about those motives behind telling a child to “go on and play”, it is mostly selfish in just trying to complete a task the easiest and most efficient way possible. Truthfully, most daily tasks are more efficient and much, much easier if I do them myself. What service would it be to the children though if they were never afforded the opportunity of learning how to do those daily tasks? Many parents assume that by watching them do something every day, their child is learning how to do them for themselves but it just doesn’t work that way. I wouldn’t have wanted my dad to just expect me to have known how to drive the day I turned 16 just because I had sat in a car on occasion for 16 years prior. I then balked at the idea of viewing kids as “Can’t” and focusing on what they can’t do. I believe God wants us to raise “Can do” kids.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. " Proverbs 22:6 KJV
Here the scriptures instruct parents to teach their children all day long and in everything we are doing. It is referring to teaching them God’s word but the principal involved works for everything in life. If we want strong-minded, capable, able, self-sufficient children who grow up to be assets to society and servants in the Kingdom of God, shouldn’t we start now? God’s plan is for parents to include their kids in all the activities of life. This not only helps the child learn a realistic view of how life operates but helps them be unselfish and feel valued as a part of a whole. How unimportant the child who is told to “go play” must feel. I remember feeling that way; like I was a nuisance. I also remember being so mind-numbingly bored because I was given no direction for myself and did not yet possess the skills to properly direct myself. I don’t blame my parents - they were merely following after the footsteps of their parents. My point is that just because we may have been inadvertently taught something in regards to raising our children, if it doesn’t line up with God’s Word, it is more than acceptable to abandon the practice.
Think of the child who is never expected to do work at home. They grow up having mom make their bed and prepare all the meals, maybe even clean their room for them. They surely start out feeling unimportant by the lack of inclusion and incapable, but over time they come to expect this work to be done for them. They turn into a selfish teen and then adult who “doesn’t wanna” do the chores, fix the meals, do the work, etc. – a freeloader with nothing useful to contribute and no skills to anyhow. No one wants to hire a person like that; I dare say no one would want to BE a person like that if given the choice beforehand.
If we begin to view our children on the basis of what they CAN do, what they ARE capable of, within each task that we are doing, it makes for a better situation all around. For example, when I am babysitting my niece and nephew I have 4 little boys in the house (7, 5, 3, and 2) and the one girl (20 months). I make a point of saying to my niece, “While the boys are doing ______, Auntie has to fix lunch. I’m the momma so that’s my job, come and help me.” I then bring her in the kitchen with me and put her in her highchair. I give her a bowl of some sort and a spoon and sometimes I even put a teeny bit of water in the bowl so she really feels like she is stirring something. I pull her highchair as close to where I am working as possible without it being dangerous (like by the stove) or completely blocking my path and then I cook, talking to her the whole time about what “we” are doing. She is “helping” me make the meal - I couldn’t do it without her “help.” You see, I know that at 20 months old there is very little she can actually do to help me cook lunch, but someday she will be a grown-up momma and need to be very used to fixing the meals. How pleasant I could help make that for her by teaching her from this young age that it is our special job to do this for the family. She “gets” to come with Auntie to help make the meal, she “can do” it. Of course, in the short-term it would be easier for me to sit her on the floor in the room with the other children surrounded by some toys and walk away to accomplish my task - and there certainly is a time and a place for that, but training them becomes so much more edifying for both of us when I seek out as many chances to include them in what I’m doing. Besides, I would rather her view these life-tasks as a joy rather than bondage.
Each of my 3 boys helps me cook often too, as well as clean and do all sorts of household things. Sometimes even a simple batch of cookies can turn into a whole project giving each child a special task and seeing to it that they complete it as right as possible. And it certainly CAN be fraying on one’s nerves at times, especially if you feel rushed a lot, but when I remind myself that I want “can do” kids, it becomes a joy for me to include them. They really do get better and better at their tasks each time they are given the opportunity to. Besides, what’s a few eggshells in the batter in the grand scheme of things?
My two oldest boys have begun to “work” at their grandmother’s house on alternating weeks to try and earn their own spending money. She picks one of them up for a few hours and gives them a list of things to do around her house. The first time, she was amazed at what they already knew how to do and how well they followed instructions at just seven and five years old! I said, “Oh yes, they are very good helpers, very useful.” I want my kids to be “can do” kids. I want them to be able-bodied and to be useful to others and themselves. It makes them feel valuable too. It sure is reflected in how they view themselves; they know they are assets to the family and that they are capable of worthy work. Even my 2 year old is an excellent helper. His daddy is so used to him accompanying any “handyman” type jobs around the house that he doesn’t like to do them without the toddler anymore. I will see him (my husband) almost pout if the little guy goes down for a nap or something before the job is finished because he doesn’t want to do it alone anymore. It is so precious for the kids to be that important and valuable to us! The little boy even thinks Daddy can’t do jobs without him. If Daddy says he needs to go feed the animals outside, my son instantly heads for the door to get his shoes. He knows if Daddy has a job to do that it is his job to help get it done because Daddy needs him!
I am also exceedingly thankful that the Lord doesn’t view us based on our “cant’s.” He often calls “those things that be not as thought they were”. (Romans 4:17) I know for a fact that he has done that in my life: calling me a grateful wife and patient mother before I ever had notion to be either, calling me his child and faithful servant (don’t think I’ll ever deserve THAT one), and leading me by His Spirit toward those marks. I could almost hear Him singing those words softly over me the whole time. If we, as parents, prayerfully consider the “marks” we hold out for our children to reach, we too, can lead them there step by step and watch them not only hit the marks but surpass them. That is our whole job and the whole point of parenthood! What a gift to understand that while they’re young and not only in retrospect. We won’t do everything right all the time as parents for we are not perfect nor do we live in a perfect world with perfect circumstances. However, doing things God’s way will always produce the most amount of true lasting joy and satisfaction.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4 KJV
When we approach our children and their training in light of what they “can do” and not based on what we could do easier without them, it helps the whole family order come into a blessed perspective. Someday, Lord willing, my “can do” kids will be equipped to raise “can do” grandkids and they will all carry an heritage not only of confidence and worthiness in work, but that also of fellowship and joy within the family. How sweet the thought of that is!
~ Amanda Paul
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Liberation
Am I in the minority because I am a woman who wants to stay at home instead of entering the workforce? I suppose it depends on who you ask. In my circle of church and home-school families I’m not; but in the community and even my extended family I am. It seems as though there is a tug-of-war for the hearts of women. I believe a lot of the struggle today can be contributed to the “Women’s Liberation” movement that began roughly in the 50’s through the 80’s.
I am not well-researched in the specifics of the movement (names, dates, landmark events, etc.) but I am well aware of the impact it has had on society at large. Years ago, women did not have the rights of man, but they did not have the responsibilities of them either. Women of yesteryear were not privileged to work at the same capacity as men, but they were also not obligated. Women, in general, were not treated like men.
I have heard it said before that the Feminist bunch is the most anti-feminine group out there and I think that’s the truth. I believe that women involved with the movement think they are benefiting the future of womanhood, but I also believe they are deceived. In the past, they thought they were opening doors of opportunity for their daughters but I don’t think they realized that precious ones would then be shut behind them.
It used to be that a woman could stay at home to raise her children, keep her home, and care for her husband and that that was the norm. Most women today have to sacrifice and fight in order to stay home. It used to be that a family could have a middle-class lifestyle with one average-sized home, one vehicle, and dad’s one income. Sure, there weren’t cell phones for the whole family, cable and video games, eating out all week, child care expenses, etc. Those things weren’t necessary because mom was home to cook, occupy the kids, and keep tabs on everyone. It is now expected for a woman to earn her “share” of the monetary income. What happens to her “share” of the household duties then? Most of the time, the mom still has to do them only now the chores and meals and things get hastily crammed into her schedule. Dads and older children also get a larger load (in some cases) and can get resentful. The health of the working woman and her family suffers as a result of all the stress, sleeplessness, and short-cuts. I don’t feel this is God’s way.
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5 KJV*
At one time, it was customary for men to hold doors open for women, pull out chairs, the whole bit. It was called courtesy, respect, admiration. Liberal women have seen to it to squash those courtesies by calling them degrading. It is emasculating to a man to have a woman curtailing his attempts at protection and provision. I can’t begin to tell you how many men and boys have let doors swing shut on me in public. No chivalry. Oh, I’m sure some decent men out there still hold open doors and such but it sure isn’t as common as it once was. Partly due to liberal women protesting and partly because mamas and daddies are too busy working to instill these things in their children. I wonder what else mamas and daddies are too busy to do with their kids?
I was talking with my grandmother recently and she was sadly telling me about her neighborhood. She said all the ladies used to know each other. They would walk together around the cul-de-sac every evening for exercise and chat. They could drop in on each other for tea or coffee and sit in each other’s yards and watch their children play together. They would also get together every so often in the evenings with the husbands and play games or just socialize. I marveled at her stories because I had not known that sense of community when I was young and things have since gotten worse. She continued in telling me that many of the old neighborhood residents have since passed away or moved. She said she no longer knew her neighbors personally. Some she didn’t even recognize by face because she almost never saw them outdoors. The homes stand empty during the day and the folks inside are so busy in the evenings that they hardly ever come out. She even had doors shut on her when she attempted to meet some of them! How sad!My mother used to tell me stories of her neighborhood growing up. She said the moms were almost all home during the day. The kids could all play in the yards because someone’s mom was always keeping an eye out. The ladies would all congregate for canning or knitting or some such activity. They even held block parties and cooked out together and such. These things are few and far between now. When moms are all at work, kids can’t play outside safely with freedom. There isn’t time for get-togethers with neighbors and block parties. And you don’t know your neighbors enough to trust your kids there. Besides, no one is home to watch them anyway.
Another area that suffers greatly is child training. If kids are bussed around to schools and sitters and activities the majority of the time because moms are working, no one is there to “train them up in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). I know children so unruly that their own parents don’t want to be around them. When discussing our decision to home-school our kids with working moms I very often hear comments like, “I have really considered that but I just don’t think I could handle being with my child that much.” Isn’t that horrifying? If the hearts of the mothers aren’t even toward their children, how can we expect anyone else’s to be? And what kind of parents and adults will those children grow up to become? It is a fearful thing.
I know there is a new movement of sorts. Many women have decided to take the leap of faith and return home. They’ve abandoned the façade of the “have-it-all” smokescreen and taken back their families. I applaud these women! It requires sacrifices almost across the board, but I tell you what; I’d rather sacrifice fancy clothes, new cars, and eating out than my family and my kids!
Some would argue that women did not have rights before the Women’s Liberation movement and that many were battered and abused. Frankly put, the same kinds of men who were women beaters before are the same kind of men that do it today. When women usurp authority and try to act like men, they lose the feminine qualities that God intended to provoke men to protect us and cherish us. Men feel contention and either seek to conquer a bawdy woman or take a broken back-seat to avoid conflict.
Just look at how women and wives are portrayed by the media. Women dress more and more scantily in order to be attractive. Do not kid yourselves, ladies, no one sees your intellect or “power” when you’re packaged cheaply (read Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere for more on this). Wives are typically shown to be nagging, unhappy, leeches that men just put up with. How ashamed I would be if my husband ever thought that way of me!
Those who have an ear to hear, listen! God intended for woman’s head to be the man. It won’t work together for His glory any other way. That’s not to say that a woman won’t be good at leading, or making decisions, or even fighting; but that isn’t the point. We must walk according to God’s plan in subjection to our own husbands and be keepers of our own homes, and train up our children. This is God’s ordination for us; what we were created for. It makes for a happy marriage, a happy home, and a happy heart. Be blessed and encouraged in the Lord!
(For further study read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and Fight Like a Girl by Lisa Bevere.)
~ Amanda Paul
February 11, 2007
I am not well-researched in the specifics of the movement (names, dates, landmark events, etc.) but I am well aware of the impact it has had on society at large. Years ago, women did not have the rights of man, but they did not have the responsibilities of them either. Women of yesteryear were not privileged to work at the same capacity as men, but they were also not obligated. Women, in general, were not treated like men.
I have heard it said before that the Feminist bunch is the most anti-feminine group out there and I think that’s the truth. I believe that women involved with the movement think they are benefiting the future of womanhood, but I also believe they are deceived. In the past, they thought they were opening doors of opportunity for their daughters but I don’t think they realized that precious ones would then be shut behind them.
It used to be that a woman could stay at home to raise her children, keep her home, and care for her husband and that that was the norm. Most women today have to sacrifice and fight in order to stay home. It used to be that a family could have a middle-class lifestyle with one average-sized home, one vehicle, and dad’s one income. Sure, there weren’t cell phones for the whole family, cable and video games, eating out all week, child care expenses, etc. Those things weren’t necessary because mom was home to cook, occupy the kids, and keep tabs on everyone. It is now expected for a woman to earn her “share” of the monetary income. What happens to her “share” of the household duties then? Most of the time, the mom still has to do them only now the chores and meals and things get hastily crammed into her schedule. Dads and older children also get a larger load (in some cases) and can get resentful. The health of the working woman and her family suffers as a result of all the stress, sleeplessness, and short-cuts. I don’t feel this is God’s way.
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5 KJV*
At one time, it was customary for men to hold doors open for women, pull out chairs, the whole bit. It was called courtesy, respect, admiration. Liberal women have seen to it to squash those courtesies by calling them degrading. It is emasculating to a man to have a woman curtailing his attempts at protection and provision. I can’t begin to tell you how many men and boys have let doors swing shut on me in public. No chivalry. Oh, I’m sure some decent men out there still hold open doors and such but it sure isn’t as common as it once was. Partly due to liberal women protesting and partly because mamas and daddies are too busy working to instill these things in their children. I wonder what else mamas and daddies are too busy to do with their kids?
I was talking with my grandmother recently and she was sadly telling me about her neighborhood. She said all the ladies used to know each other. They would walk together around the cul-de-sac every evening for exercise and chat. They could drop in on each other for tea or coffee and sit in each other’s yards and watch their children play together. They would also get together every so often in the evenings with the husbands and play games or just socialize. I marveled at her stories because I had not known that sense of community when I was young and things have since gotten worse. She continued in telling me that many of the old neighborhood residents have since passed away or moved. She said she no longer knew her neighbors personally. Some she didn’t even recognize by face because she almost never saw them outdoors. The homes stand empty during the day and the folks inside are so busy in the evenings that they hardly ever come out. She even had doors shut on her when she attempted to meet some of them! How sad!My mother used to tell me stories of her neighborhood growing up. She said the moms were almost all home during the day. The kids could all play in the yards because someone’s mom was always keeping an eye out. The ladies would all congregate for canning or knitting or some such activity. They even held block parties and cooked out together and such. These things are few and far between now. When moms are all at work, kids can’t play outside safely with freedom. There isn’t time for get-togethers with neighbors and block parties. And you don’t know your neighbors enough to trust your kids there. Besides, no one is home to watch them anyway.
Another area that suffers greatly is child training. If kids are bussed around to schools and sitters and activities the majority of the time because moms are working, no one is there to “train them up in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). I know children so unruly that their own parents don’t want to be around them. When discussing our decision to home-school our kids with working moms I very often hear comments like, “I have really considered that but I just don’t think I could handle being with my child that much.” Isn’t that horrifying? If the hearts of the mothers aren’t even toward their children, how can we expect anyone else’s to be? And what kind of parents and adults will those children grow up to become? It is a fearful thing.
I know there is a new movement of sorts. Many women have decided to take the leap of faith and return home. They’ve abandoned the façade of the “have-it-all” smokescreen and taken back their families. I applaud these women! It requires sacrifices almost across the board, but I tell you what; I’d rather sacrifice fancy clothes, new cars, and eating out than my family and my kids!
Some would argue that women did not have rights before the Women’s Liberation movement and that many were battered and abused. Frankly put, the same kinds of men who were women beaters before are the same kind of men that do it today. When women usurp authority and try to act like men, they lose the feminine qualities that God intended to provoke men to protect us and cherish us. Men feel contention and either seek to conquer a bawdy woman or take a broken back-seat to avoid conflict.
Just look at how women and wives are portrayed by the media. Women dress more and more scantily in order to be attractive. Do not kid yourselves, ladies, no one sees your intellect or “power” when you’re packaged cheaply (read Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere for more on this). Wives are typically shown to be nagging, unhappy, leeches that men just put up with. How ashamed I would be if my husband ever thought that way of me!
Those who have an ear to hear, listen! God intended for woman’s head to be the man. It won’t work together for His glory any other way. That’s not to say that a woman won’t be good at leading, or making decisions, or even fighting; but that isn’t the point. We must walk according to God’s plan in subjection to our own husbands and be keepers of our own homes, and train up our children. This is God’s ordination for us; what we were created for. It makes for a happy marriage, a happy home, and a happy heart. Be blessed and encouraged in the Lord!
(For further study read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and Fight Like a Girl by Lisa Bevere.)
~ Amanda Paul
February 11, 2007
Friday, February 9, 2007
Honor God From Where You Are
At times in our Christian walks we find ourselves in circumstances that seem unfavorable. We are promised in Scripture that we will face adversity.
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 KJV
Some of the problems we face are from the enemy to veer us off course and sometimes we have troubles because we have gotten off course already. Many times it is difficult to determine which it is that has brought you into a state of turmoil. Job is one example of a God-fearing man who dealt with trouble and there was dispute among the people involved as to what the reasons were (see the book of Job).
I am convinced that when these times come, it is not nearly as important how you got into your situation as it is what you’re going to do in it and through it. I’m not saying that a believer can’t know why circumstances have befallen him. I’m not even saying that it isn’t beneficial to know what took place to bring you into a troublesome time. Only, that when it is unclear why you are enduring something, it is more important what you choose to do in the midst of it.
For example, a few years ago my husband and I bought a new house. We were not really looking to move at the time. One day we happened upon a property that seemed saved just for us. It included every feature that we wanted in a home to raise our family in. It was more highly priced than we would have liked so just for “kicks”, we put in a lowball offer. It was accepted! Feeling blessed by God, we moved in and rejoiced. Not too long after, however, a few things started to break and cost money in repair. Also, the large yard became overwhelming to care for and pressure to adapt to a more rural lifestyle intimidated us. We began to question whether this new home was, in actuality, a gift from God or perhaps a scheme of the enemy to get us consumed with “the cares of this world” (see Mark 4:19). One day, in discussing the matter with my husband I said. “What difference does it make?” My husband was a little caught off guard so I continued, “Well, what difference does it make what brought us here? We’re here now. Let’s honor God from where we are. Let’s be good stewards and be faithful with what we have: grateful, and giving. If we honor God from where we are He will bring us to where He wants us.” That is what we decided to do (and are still doing).
You see, it isn’t always clear (especially in the midst of trouble) why things happen to us and around us. The most important thing is to honor God from where we are. Job got to the point of cursing the date of his birth but he never denied His God! (Job 3) Seek His will and His Word and allow Him to light your path. It’s a step by step process. Job refused to curse God. He may not have understood why trouble had befallen him (and what great trouble!), but he chose to honor the Lord in the midst of it. Then just look at all the blessings Job encountered after his time of testing was finished!
The Word says that we can be persecuted for our faith (although what many American believers call persecution can be embarrassing compared to what many others endure elsewhere). It also says that we can allow things into our life through disobedience and unbelief. If you know why something has happened or is happening to you or your family, Praise God! You’re ahead of the game. If you don’t know why don’t get stuck on it and spend your time frustratingly trying to figure it out. Honor God from where you are and allow Him to guide you from there. If, like Job, you were persecuted for righteousness sake then, God be praised, you will be recompensed and bring God glory. If you allowed bad things into your life through disobedience to God, you have the opportunity to let God lead you out and He still gets the glory. That’s the whole point of it. God alone is worthy to be praised!
My family has recently suffered a great loss. Our infant son died for no known reason during his birth. Some would say it was a test of our faith and my husband and I failed. Others would say that it was an attack of the enemy to attempt to stop us from serving God and disrupt our family. Still others would say that we were being punished for something we had done and we had allowed it. I know one thing for sure: I could spend my time trying to figure out which was the reason; or I could choose to love and honor God in the midst of it. I can trust Him to lead me from this point on. I can choose to not give the enemy any victory over my marriage or my other children. I can choose to continue on in my faith and service of our Lord and His church.
Please do not email me your opinion as to why things like this happen. That is not the intent of this article. It is merely to point out that we have choices in our circumstances. The best choice is always to honor God. Good times, bad times, guilty or innocent; it can not hurt to seek the Lord and bless His holy name. He is great and greatly to be praised (Ps. 96:4)!
I think of biblical accounts like Bathsheba and Joseph, Paul and Silas, and many, many others. Amidst unfavorable circumstances they chose to honor the Lord for what else better could they have done? I’m certain they, being human, would be tempted to question from whence came their trouble, but they all seemed to know the greater importance of whence cometh their help! (Ps. 121:1)
I thank the Lord for his provision and his mercy and his grace and his Church. He alone is Our Rock and our Defense. He promises to light our paths with His Word if we will only seek Him first and acknowledge Him in all our ways so He can direct our paths. (Matt. 6:33; Pro. 3:6). He is so good even when things seem so bad. I hope you all can be encouraged by this in your time of need.
~Amanda Paul
February 9, 2007
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 KJV
Some of the problems we face are from the enemy to veer us off course and sometimes we have troubles because we have gotten off course already. Many times it is difficult to determine which it is that has brought you into a state of turmoil. Job is one example of a God-fearing man who dealt with trouble and there was dispute among the people involved as to what the reasons were (see the book of Job).
I am convinced that when these times come, it is not nearly as important how you got into your situation as it is what you’re going to do in it and through it. I’m not saying that a believer can’t know why circumstances have befallen him. I’m not even saying that it isn’t beneficial to know what took place to bring you into a troublesome time. Only, that when it is unclear why you are enduring something, it is more important what you choose to do in the midst of it.
For example, a few years ago my husband and I bought a new house. We were not really looking to move at the time. One day we happened upon a property that seemed saved just for us. It included every feature that we wanted in a home to raise our family in. It was more highly priced than we would have liked so just for “kicks”, we put in a lowball offer. It was accepted! Feeling blessed by God, we moved in and rejoiced. Not too long after, however, a few things started to break and cost money in repair. Also, the large yard became overwhelming to care for and pressure to adapt to a more rural lifestyle intimidated us. We began to question whether this new home was, in actuality, a gift from God or perhaps a scheme of the enemy to get us consumed with “the cares of this world” (see Mark 4:19). One day, in discussing the matter with my husband I said. “What difference does it make?” My husband was a little caught off guard so I continued, “Well, what difference does it make what brought us here? We’re here now. Let’s honor God from where we are. Let’s be good stewards and be faithful with what we have: grateful, and giving. If we honor God from where we are He will bring us to where He wants us.” That is what we decided to do (and are still doing).
You see, it isn’t always clear (especially in the midst of trouble) why things happen to us and around us. The most important thing is to honor God from where we are. Job got to the point of cursing the date of his birth but he never denied His God! (Job 3) Seek His will and His Word and allow Him to light your path. It’s a step by step process. Job refused to curse God. He may not have understood why trouble had befallen him (and what great trouble!), but he chose to honor the Lord in the midst of it. Then just look at all the blessings Job encountered after his time of testing was finished!
The Word says that we can be persecuted for our faith (although what many American believers call persecution can be embarrassing compared to what many others endure elsewhere). It also says that we can allow things into our life through disobedience and unbelief. If you know why something has happened or is happening to you or your family, Praise God! You’re ahead of the game. If you don’t know why don’t get stuck on it and spend your time frustratingly trying to figure it out. Honor God from where you are and allow Him to guide you from there. If, like Job, you were persecuted for righteousness sake then, God be praised, you will be recompensed and bring God glory. If you allowed bad things into your life through disobedience to God, you have the opportunity to let God lead you out and He still gets the glory. That’s the whole point of it. God alone is worthy to be praised!
My family has recently suffered a great loss. Our infant son died for no known reason during his birth. Some would say it was a test of our faith and my husband and I failed. Others would say that it was an attack of the enemy to attempt to stop us from serving God and disrupt our family. Still others would say that we were being punished for something we had done and we had allowed it. I know one thing for sure: I could spend my time trying to figure out which was the reason; or I could choose to love and honor God in the midst of it. I can trust Him to lead me from this point on. I can choose to not give the enemy any victory over my marriage or my other children. I can choose to continue on in my faith and service of our Lord and His church.
Please do not email me your opinion as to why things like this happen. That is not the intent of this article. It is merely to point out that we have choices in our circumstances. The best choice is always to honor God. Good times, bad times, guilty or innocent; it can not hurt to seek the Lord and bless His holy name. He is great and greatly to be praised (Ps. 96:4)!
I think of biblical accounts like Bathsheba and Joseph, Paul and Silas, and many, many others. Amidst unfavorable circumstances they chose to honor the Lord for what else better could they have done? I’m certain they, being human, would be tempted to question from whence came their trouble, but they all seemed to know the greater importance of whence cometh their help! (Ps. 121:1)
I thank the Lord for his provision and his mercy and his grace and his Church. He alone is Our Rock and our Defense. He promises to light our paths with His Word if we will only seek Him first and acknowledge Him in all our ways so He can direct our paths. (Matt. 6:33; Pro. 3:6). He is so good even when things seem so bad. I hope you all can be encouraged by this in your time of need.
~Amanda Paul
February 9, 2007
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Keepers at Home
2:4 (KJV) That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)*
For us wives, this concept of “keeping” our homes: no matter what lifestyle we have chosen; whether we work in or out of the home or are stay-at-home-moms, it consumes us, doesn’t it? We are completely taken with the responsibility of the harmony and functioning in our respective homes. Whether we tackle the task with eagerness or we find the whole thing rather daunting, it is still our charge and we all face up to it at one point or another.
I have mulled this topic over and over on many occasions since I married (since childhood, really) and have always been amazed by how many women I’ve met that try to reject this God-given position. They never do seem satisfied with anything they choose in its stead. They will attempt to pass it off to other family members or take half-hearted stabs at all the role entails, but if a wife does not embrace her position in her home with joy and appreciation she will ultimately be miserable.
What does it mean to “keep the home?” Where there is no one specific outline for every family there are some basic things we all do. It is typically our job to cook, clean, and care for our dwelling places. It is furthermore our responsibility to see to the fluid movement of our homes’ general functioning. Whereas the husband, the “head”, is ultimately responsible for the direction of the home, the wife is responsible for the harmony (or atmosphere) in the home. Face it ladies, the old saying: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is about as true as it gets.
In addition, we are the primary caretakers of the children. This makes us teachers, nurses, chauffeurs, nursemaids, musicians, mechanics, (I could go on and on), on a daily basis. This keeping of the home business is no small undertaking.
And yet, I still find wives who “kick against the goads” (see Acts 9:5) and fight their role. For many reasons I’m sure; a very liberal upbringing, a contentious mother, or confusion from public schooling perhaps. Regardless of why, it has been my witness that women who try to deny their God-ordained ministry as home-keeper can’t seem to be happy or effective in their home.
When I had my first child, I was young (17 in fact). I lived in a bad neighborhood in a tiny apartment. I was shocked at how dirty a home could get in a short period of time and I balked at the idea that it was my job to clean it up. I couldn’t even believe how much laundry one little boy could accumulate! Somewhere in those first few miserable months I came to the conclusion that I had a choice before me. I could become bitter and resent the tasks before me, continuing to abide in disarray and filth or I could decide to like my role and figure out how to master it to suit my family.
Mastering the “keeper” role will most likely always be a work-in-progress because a family is always changing as people grow and life happens. It sure is a lively challenge though. Even though I am still much younger than many of my peers, my attitude regarding my position in the home has led women twice my age to ask for advice and ideas on how to get a house running better. A lot of what I tell them is common sense (that has gotten less and less common), but it is a pleasure to share the joy of homemaking with others.
In my opinion, there is no recipe for a perfect home. I think it’s all about heart-motive and balance. After all, we don’t want “white-washed tombs” (Matt. 23:27) where our homes are militantly spic and span but our kids are grouchy and we are neurotically stressed about the appearance of our stuff. However, we want to have things in “decent and good order” (1 Cor. 14:40) so we can be good stewards of our homes.
Here is a list of some things I would include in a “keeper of the home” profile:
Ø Be frugal but not stingy. Take care to manage whatever finances your husband has you in charge of with wisdom and care but not to the detriment of your faith. Do not become poverty-minded and forget God’s abundant provision, but do be organized and thoughtful in your approaches to saving and spending. Research what you can to become better at this. (This is a major area of contention for men and women so success here will be a HUGE blessing in your marriage!)
Be thorough in the aspect of meal preparation. Success at meal time takes a bit more forethought than looking through the Ø cupboards 30 minutes before supper fretting over what to fix. Spend the time to plan ahead weekly or even monthly and you’ll find your family eating cheaper and healthier than you could have imagined.
Ø STRUCTURE: Organize yourself. There is no way around it. Even a spontaneous, off-the-cuff type of gal can have a basic framework to work off of. Set up goals for your housework and make plans on how to achieve them. Weekly, I write out the things I want to do each day. I also have charts for the kids so that they learn to pitch in. I’ve met a lot of women who complain about their homes’ condition and let the mess get overwhelming before they try to fix it. It is much easier to keep a clean house clean than it is to miraculously tidy up a disaster every once in a while. I have also seen a lot of strife between a man and a woman if the man feels his “castle” is in ruins. To help me manage my daily work load I do the following: I tackle at least one load of laundry each day so I don’t ever fall too far behind. I make frequent pick-up trips throughout the house and make sure any one room doesn’t get out of hand. I deep clean one area each day and by the end of the week each room has been done.
Ø Recruit the troops: I train my kids to pick up after themselves so I don’t have 6 people’s messes to contend with. (Our motto is if they are old enough to make the mess they are old enough to clean it up.)
Ø Do not make it an idol: My house is by no means spotless, you’d never see it in a magazine; I do have 3 boys and a husband in the construction trade, but there is a sense of peace and order most of the time. I receive comments often on how comfortable people feel at my home. I do have stains on the carpet and my furniture has seen better days but I am not stressed over how my home appears. I would be at perfect peace if company (even my pastor) just dropped in. There is a general place for everything and I take care to keep things in an attractive yet functional capacity.
Simplify: One of the best things you can do is simplify what you have. If you don’t use it you probably don’t need it. Don’t hoard up things for yourself or your children no matter what it is. We extend this principle to clothing, toys, books, craft supplies, everything. We keep only what we are really going to Ø use. That makes a world of difference in a home. Clutter will undoubtedly lead to chaos.
Ø Clean your closets: I try to keep only one “junk” drawer. The rest of the closets, drawers, cabinets, etc. are pretty well organized, even labeled if appropriate. Our storage items are arranged and labeled. That way we know what we have and can be good stewards of what we have. (Prov. 27:23) How can you be a good steward of your things if you don’t know what you’ve got? How can you know if you have only that which you’ll use if you don’t know where you are keeping things? I find that organized closets and cupboards save me a ton of time, money, and stress. It takes much more time to frantically search for some treasure in a heap of mess than to get things tidy and put things back when done.
Ø Be happy: None of the aforementioned ideas will work if you can’t embrace the ideas with a glad heart. You need to truly be grateful for where God has you in your life and be willing to seek him in your efforts to “keep your home” diligently. It really is a high calling and truly is a ministry. No amount of cooking, cleaning, or the like, will make up for lack of joy in a home. Husbands and children rely on us to regulate the atmosphere of peace in our homes. We won’t always get it right because we are human and we all make mistakes and have difficult and trying days, but the Lord wills for us to face each day with a “new song” of praise in our hearts (Ps. 40:3; 96:1; 98:1; et al) and a servant’s attitude. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Phil. 4:13)
~ Amanda Paul
For us wives, this concept of “keeping” our homes: no matter what lifestyle we have chosen; whether we work in or out of the home or are stay-at-home-moms, it consumes us, doesn’t it? We are completely taken with the responsibility of the harmony and functioning in our respective homes. Whether we tackle the task with eagerness or we find the whole thing rather daunting, it is still our charge and we all face up to it at one point or another.
I have mulled this topic over and over on many occasions since I married (since childhood, really) and have always been amazed by how many women I’ve met that try to reject this God-given position. They never do seem satisfied with anything they choose in its stead. They will attempt to pass it off to other family members or take half-hearted stabs at all the role entails, but if a wife does not embrace her position in her home with joy and appreciation she will ultimately be miserable.
What does it mean to “keep the home?” Where there is no one specific outline for every family there are some basic things we all do. It is typically our job to cook, clean, and care for our dwelling places. It is furthermore our responsibility to see to the fluid movement of our homes’ general functioning. Whereas the husband, the “head”, is ultimately responsible for the direction of the home, the wife is responsible for the harmony (or atmosphere) in the home. Face it ladies, the old saying: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is about as true as it gets.
In addition, we are the primary caretakers of the children. This makes us teachers, nurses, chauffeurs, nursemaids, musicians, mechanics, (I could go on and on), on a daily basis. This keeping of the home business is no small undertaking.
And yet, I still find wives who “kick against the goads” (see Acts 9:5) and fight their role. For many reasons I’m sure; a very liberal upbringing, a contentious mother, or confusion from public schooling perhaps. Regardless of why, it has been my witness that women who try to deny their God-ordained ministry as home-keeper can’t seem to be happy or effective in their home.
When I had my first child, I was young (17 in fact). I lived in a bad neighborhood in a tiny apartment. I was shocked at how dirty a home could get in a short period of time and I balked at the idea that it was my job to clean it up. I couldn’t even believe how much laundry one little boy could accumulate! Somewhere in those first few miserable months I came to the conclusion that I had a choice before me. I could become bitter and resent the tasks before me, continuing to abide in disarray and filth or I could decide to like my role and figure out how to master it to suit my family.
Mastering the “keeper” role will most likely always be a work-in-progress because a family is always changing as people grow and life happens. It sure is a lively challenge though. Even though I am still much younger than many of my peers, my attitude regarding my position in the home has led women twice my age to ask for advice and ideas on how to get a house running better. A lot of what I tell them is common sense (that has gotten less and less common), but it is a pleasure to share the joy of homemaking with others.
In my opinion, there is no recipe for a perfect home. I think it’s all about heart-motive and balance. After all, we don’t want “white-washed tombs” (Matt. 23:27) where our homes are militantly spic and span but our kids are grouchy and we are neurotically stressed about the appearance of our stuff. However, we want to have things in “decent and good order” (1 Cor. 14:40) so we can be good stewards of our homes.
Here is a list of some things I would include in a “keeper of the home” profile:
Ø Be frugal but not stingy. Take care to manage whatever finances your husband has you in charge of with wisdom and care but not to the detriment of your faith. Do not become poverty-minded and forget God’s abundant provision, but do be organized and thoughtful in your approaches to saving and spending. Research what you can to become better at this. (This is a major area of contention for men and women so success here will be a HUGE blessing in your marriage!)
Be thorough in the aspect of meal preparation. Success at meal time takes a bit more forethought than looking through the Ø cupboards 30 minutes before supper fretting over what to fix. Spend the time to plan ahead weekly or even monthly and you’ll find your family eating cheaper and healthier than you could have imagined.
Ø STRUCTURE: Organize yourself. There is no way around it. Even a spontaneous, off-the-cuff type of gal can have a basic framework to work off of. Set up goals for your housework and make plans on how to achieve them. Weekly, I write out the things I want to do each day. I also have charts for the kids so that they learn to pitch in. I’ve met a lot of women who complain about their homes’ condition and let the mess get overwhelming before they try to fix it. It is much easier to keep a clean house clean than it is to miraculously tidy up a disaster every once in a while. I have also seen a lot of strife between a man and a woman if the man feels his “castle” is in ruins. To help me manage my daily work load I do the following: I tackle at least one load of laundry each day so I don’t ever fall too far behind. I make frequent pick-up trips throughout the house and make sure any one room doesn’t get out of hand. I deep clean one area each day and by the end of the week each room has been done.
Ø Recruit the troops: I train my kids to pick up after themselves so I don’t have 6 people’s messes to contend with. (Our motto is if they are old enough to make the mess they are old enough to clean it up.)
Ø Do not make it an idol: My house is by no means spotless, you’d never see it in a magazine; I do have 3 boys and a husband in the construction trade, but there is a sense of peace and order most of the time. I receive comments often on how comfortable people feel at my home. I do have stains on the carpet and my furniture has seen better days but I am not stressed over how my home appears. I would be at perfect peace if company (even my pastor) just dropped in. There is a general place for everything and I take care to keep things in an attractive yet functional capacity.
Simplify: One of the best things you can do is simplify what you have. If you don’t use it you probably don’t need it. Don’t hoard up things for yourself or your children no matter what it is. We extend this principle to clothing, toys, books, craft supplies, everything. We keep only what we are really going to Ø use. That makes a world of difference in a home. Clutter will undoubtedly lead to chaos.
Ø Clean your closets: I try to keep only one “junk” drawer. The rest of the closets, drawers, cabinets, etc. are pretty well organized, even labeled if appropriate. Our storage items are arranged and labeled. That way we know what we have and can be good stewards of what we have. (Prov. 27:23) How can you be a good steward of your things if you don’t know what you’ve got? How can you know if you have only that which you’ll use if you don’t know where you are keeping things? I find that organized closets and cupboards save me a ton of time, money, and stress. It takes much more time to frantically search for some treasure in a heap of mess than to get things tidy and put things back when done.
Ø Be happy: None of the aforementioned ideas will work if you can’t embrace the ideas with a glad heart. You need to truly be grateful for where God has you in your life and be willing to seek him in your efforts to “keep your home” diligently. It really is a high calling and truly is a ministry. No amount of cooking, cleaning, or the like, will make up for lack of joy in a home. Husbands and children rely on us to regulate the atmosphere of peace in our homes. We won’t always get it right because we are human and we all make mistakes and have difficult and trying days, but the Lord wills for us to face each day with a “new song” of praise in our hearts (Ps. 40:3; 96:1; 98:1; et al) and a servant’s attitude. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Phil. 4:13)
~ Amanda Paul
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