Titus 2:1-5

1But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Liberation

Am I in the minority because I am a woman who wants to stay at home instead of entering the workforce? I suppose it depends on who you ask. In my circle of church and home-school families I’m not; but in the community and even my extended family I am. It seems as though there is a tug-of-war for the hearts of women. I believe a lot of the struggle today can be contributed to the “Women’s Liberation” movement that began roughly in the 50’s through the 80’s.
I am not well-researched in the specifics of the movement (names, dates, landmark events, etc.) but I am well aware of the impact it has had on society at large. Years ago, women did not have the rights of man, but they did not have the responsibilities of them either. Women of yesteryear were not privileged to work at the same capacity as men, but they were also not obligated. Women, in general, were not treated like men.

I have heard it said before that the Feminist bunch is the most anti-feminine group out there and I think that’s the truth. I believe that women involved with the movement think they are benefiting the future of womanhood, but I also believe they are deceived. In the past, they thought they were opening doors of opportunity for their daughters but I don’t think they realized that precious ones would then be shut behind them.

It used to be that a woman could stay at home to raise her children, keep her home, and care for her husband and that that was the norm. Most women today have to sacrifice and fight in order to stay home. It used to be that a family could have a middle-class lifestyle with one average-sized home, one vehicle, and dad’s one income. Sure, there weren’t cell phones for the whole family, cable and video games, eating out all week, child care expenses, etc. Those things weren’t necessary because mom was home to cook, occupy the kids, and keep tabs on everyone. It is now expected for a woman to earn her “share” of the monetary income. What happens to her “share” of the household duties then? Most of the time, the mom still has to do them only now the chores and meals and things get hastily crammed into her schedule. Dads and older children also get a larger load (in some cases) and can get resentful. The health of the working woman and her family suffers as a result of all the stress, sleeplessness, and short-cuts. I don’t feel this is God’s way.

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5 KJV*

At one time, it was customary for men to hold doors open for women, pull out chairs, the whole bit. It was called courtesy, respect, admiration. Liberal women have seen to it to squash those courtesies by calling them degrading. It is emasculating to a man to have a woman curtailing his attempts at protection and provision. I can’t begin to tell you how many men and boys have let doors swing shut on me in public. No chivalry. Oh, I’m sure some decent men out there still hold open doors and such but it sure isn’t as common as it once was. Partly due to liberal women protesting and partly because mamas and daddies are too busy working to instill these things in their children. I wonder what else mamas and daddies are too busy to do with their kids?

I was talking with my grandmother recently and she was sadly telling me about her neighborhood. She said all the ladies used to know each other. They would walk together around the cul-de-sac every evening for exercise and chat. They could drop in on each other for tea or coffee and sit in each other’s yards and watch their children play together. They would also get together every so often in the evenings with the husbands and play games or just socialize. I marveled at her stories because I had not known that sense of community when I was young and things have since gotten worse. She continued in telling me that many of the old neighborhood residents have since passed away or moved. She said she no longer knew her neighbors personally. Some she didn’t even recognize by face because she almost never saw them outdoors. The homes stand empty during the day and the folks inside are so busy in the evenings that they hardly ever come out. She even had doors shut on her when she attempted to meet some of them! How sad!My mother used to tell me stories of her neighborhood growing up. She said the moms were almost all home during the day. The kids could all play in the yards because someone’s mom was always keeping an eye out. The ladies would all congregate for canning or knitting or some such activity. They even held block parties and cooked out together and such. These things are few and far between now. When moms are all at work, kids can’t play outside safely with freedom. There isn’t time for get-togethers with neighbors and block parties. And you don’t know your neighbors enough to trust your kids there. Besides, no one is home to watch them anyway.

Another area that suffers greatly is child training. If kids are bussed around to schools and sitters and activities the majority of the time because moms are working, no one is there to “train them up in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). I know children so unruly that their own parents don’t want to be around them. When discussing our decision to home-school our kids with working moms I very often hear comments like, “I have really considered that but I just don’t think I could handle being with my child that much.” Isn’t that horrifying? If the hearts of the mothers aren’t even toward their children, how can we expect anyone else’s to be? And what kind of parents and adults will those children grow up to become? It is a fearful thing.

I know there is a new movement of sorts. Many women have decided to take the leap of faith and return home. They’ve abandoned the façade of the “have-it-all” smokescreen and taken back their families. I applaud these women! It requires sacrifices almost across the board, but I tell you what; I’d rather sacrifice fancy clothes, new cars, and eating out than my family and my kids!

Some would argue that women did not have rights before the Women’s Liberation movement and that many were battered and abused. Frankly put, the same kinds of men who were women beaters before are the same kind of men that do it today. When women usurp authority and try to act like men, they lose the feminine qualities that God intended to provoke men to protect us and cherish us. Men feel contention and either seek to conquer a bawdy woman or take a broken back-seat to avoid conflict.

Just look at how women and wives are portrayed by the media. Women dress more and more scantily in order to be attractive. Do not kid yourselves, ladies, no one sees your intellect or “power” when you’re packaged cheaply (read Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry by Lisa Bevere for more on this). Wives are typically shown to be nagging, unhappy, leeches that men just put up with. How ashamed I would be if my husband ever thought that way of me!
Those who have an ear to hear, listen! God intended for woman’s head to be the man. It won’t work together for His glory any other way. That’s not to say that a woman won’t be good at leading, or making decisions, or even fighting; but that isn’t the point. We must walk according to God’s plan in subjection to our own husbands and be keepers of our own homes, and train up our children. This is God’s ordination for us; what we were created for. It makes for a happy marriage, a happy home, and a happy heart. Be blessed and encouraged in the Lord!
(For further study read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and Fight Like a Girl by Lisa Bevere.)

~ Amanda Paul
February 11, 2007

Keepers at Home

2:4 (KJV) That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:4-5 (KJV)*

For us wives, this concept of “keeping” our homes: no matter what lifestyle we have chosen; whether we work in or out of the home or are stay-at-home-moms, it consumes us, doesn’t it? We are completely taken with the responsibility of the harmony and functioning in our respective homes. Whether we tackle the task with eagerness or we find the whole thing rather daunting, it is still our charge and we all face up to it at one point or another.

I have mulled this topic over and over on many occasions since I married (since childhood, really) and have always been amazed by how many women I’ve met that try to reject this God-given position. They never do seem satisfied with anything they choose in its stead. They will attempt to pass it off to other family members or take half-hearted stabs at all the role entails, but if a wife does not embrace her position in her home with joy and appreciation she will ultimately be miserable.

What does it mean to “keep the home?” Where there is no one specific outline for every family there are some basic things we all do. It is typically our job to cook, clean, and care for our dwelling places. It is furthermore our responsibility to see to the fluid movement of our homes’ general functioning. Whereas the husband, the “head”, is ultimately responsible for the direction of the home, the wife is responsible for the harmony (or atmosphere) in the home. Face it ladies, the old saying: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is about as true as it gets.

In addition, we are the primary caretakers of the children. This makes us teachers, nurses, chauffeurs, nursemaids, musicians, mechanics, (I could go on and on), on a daily basis. This keeping of the home business is no small undertaking.
And yet, I still find wives who “kick against the goads” (see Acts 9:5) and fight their role. For many reasons I’m sure; a very liberal upbringing, a contentious mother, or confusion from public schooling perhaps. Regardless of why, it has been my witness that women who try to deny their God-ordained ministry as home-keeper can’t seem to be happy or effective in their home.

When I had my first child, I was young (17 in fact). I lived in a bad neighborhood in a tiny apartment. I was shocked at how dirty a home could get in a short period of time and I balked at the idea that it was my job to clean it up. I couldn’t even believe how much laundry one little boy could accumulate! Somewhere in those first few miserable months I came to the conclusion that I had a choice before me. I could become bitter and resent the tasks before me, continuing to abide in disarray and filth or I could decide to like my role and figure out how to master it to suit my family.

Mastering the “keeper” role will most likely always be a work-in-progress because a family is always changing as people grow and life happens. It sure is a lively challenge though. Even though I am still much younger than many of my peers, my attitude regarding my position in the home has led women twice my age to ask for advice and ideas on how to get a house running better. A lot of what I tell them is common sense (that has gotten less and less common), but it is a pleasure to share the joy of homemaking with others.

In my opinion, there is no recipe for a perfect home. I think it’s all about heart-motive and balance. After all, we don’t want “white-washed tombs” (Matt. 23:27) where our homes are militantly spic and span but our kids are grouchy and we are neurotically stressed about the appearance of our stuff. However, we want to have things in “decent and good order” (1 Cor. 14:40) so we can be good stewards of our homes.

Here is a list of some things I would include in a “keeper of the home” profile:

Ø Be frugal but not stingy. Take care to manage whatever finances your husband has you in charge of with wisdom and care but not to the detriment of your faith. Do not become poverty-minded and forget God’s abundant provision, but do be organized and thoughtful in your approaches to saving and spending. Research what you can to become better at this. (This is a major area of contention for men and women so success here will be a HUGE blessing in your marriage!)
Be thorough in the aspect of meal preparation. Success at meal time takes a bit more forethought than looking through the Ø cupboards 30 minutes before supper fretting over what to fix. Spend the time to plan ahead weekly or even monthly and you’ll find your family eating cheaper and healthier than you could have imagined.

Ø STRUCTURE: Organize yourself. There is no way around it. Even a spontaneous, off-the-cuff type of gal can have a basic framework to work off of. Set up goals for your housework and make plans on how to achieve them. Weekly, I write out the things I want to do each day. I also have charts for the kids so that they learn to pitch in. I’ve met a lot of women who complain about their homes’ condition and let the mess get overwhelming before they try to fix it. It is much easier to keep a clean house clean than it is to miraculously tidy up a disaster every once in a while. I have also seen a lot of strife between a man and a woman if the man feels his “castle” is in ruins. To help me manage my daily work load I do the following: I tackle at least one load of laundry each day so I don’t ever fall too far behind. I make frequent pick-up trips throughout the house and make sure any one room doesn’t get out of hand. I deep clean one area each day and by the end of the week each room has been done.

Ø Recruit the troops: I train my kids to pick up after themselves so I don’t have 6 people’s messes to contend with. (Our motto is if they are old enough to make the mess they are old enough to clean it up.)

Ø Do not make it an idol: My house is by no means spotless, you’d never see it in a magazine; I do have 3 boys and a husband in the construction trade, but there is a sense of peace and order most of the time. I receive comments often on how comfortable people feel at my home. I do have stains on the carpet and my furniture has seen better days but I am not stressed over how my home appears. I would be at perfect peace if company (even my pastor) just dropped in. There is a general place for everything and I take care to keep things in an attractive yet functional capacity.
Simplify: One of the best things you can do is simplify what you have. If you don’t use it you probably don’t need it. Don’t hoard up things for yourself or your children no matter what it is. We extend this principle to clothing, toys, books, craft supplies, everything. We keep only what we are really going to Ø use. That makes a world of difference in a home. Clutter will undoubtedly lead to chaos.

Ø Clean your closets: I try to keep only one “junk” drawer. The rest of the closets, drawers, cabinets, etc. are pretty well organized, even labeled if appropriate. Our storage items are arranged and labeled. That way we know what we have and can be good stewards of what we have. (Prov. 27:23) How can you be a good steward of your things if you don’t know what you’ve got? How can you know if you have only that which you’ll use if you don’t know where you are keeping things? I find that organized closets and cupboards save me a ton of time, money, and stress. It takes much more time to frantically search for some treasure in a heap of mess than to get things tidy and put things back when done.

Ø Be happy: None of the aforementioned ideas will work if you can’t embrace the ideas with a glad heart. You need to truly be grateful for where God has you in your life and be willing to seek him in your efforts to “keep your home” diligently. It really is a high calling and truly is a ministry. No amount of cooking, cleaning, or the like, will make up for lack of joy in a home. Husbands and children rely on us to regulate the atmosphere of peace in our homes. We won’t always get it right because we are human and we all make mistakes and have difficult and trying days, but the Lord wills for us to face each day with a “new song” of praise in our hearts (Ps. 40:3; 96:1; 98:1; et al) and a servant’s attitude. We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Phil. 4:13)

~ Amanda Paul

Occupation: Homemaker

Many SAHM (stay-at-home-moms) fall into a rut and feel bored, lonely, and/or insignificant. Sometimes the fear of these things even keeps women from staying at home in the first place. Often, the secular world paints a picture of a mom at home as very quaint; not glamorous like a city job, or rewarding like a passionate career, or entertaining like a hustle-bustle working lifestyle; only simplistic and cute. It doesn’t usually sound very attractive to young women. If it isn’t these things that deter a family from having mom at home then it’s the lie that they can’t afford life on one income alone.

I personally experienced some confusion when I first got married and began my life at home. I had the house organized and just as clean as any other house and yet I still felt bored a lot of the time and was somewhat discontented. It didn’t make sense to me. I had been an excellent student and an exemplary worker, yet here at home I was continuously bored which led to feeling lonely. I kept wondering why I felt that way.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough to do. I had two children with one on the way, I was beginning to teach my 4 year old, I helped my husband run his carpentry business from home, I sang on the worship team, taught Children’s church, cooked and cleaned, etc. So I had plenty to do.
It also wasn’t that I was just unhappy at home, because I wasn’t. I was thrilled to be able to be at home with my kids when so many others I knew felt that they had to work to support their families. I was grateful for the time and opportunity to homeschool my kids and really be a helper to my husband. One day, my mother finally pointed out to me that when I had been in school I was very regimented with my time. I kept an organized calendar/journal in which I planned and pre-planned the timing of assignments and events and all they entailed. Then, each day I would see what was in store and complete everything efficiently and often beforehand. When I worked, I had a clear and concise position and had the mind-set of being good at my job. I always completed tasks in a timely fashion and with a cheerful demeanor.
It was then that I realized that my attitude towards being at home wasn’t right. I was being too relaxed. I was treating my time at home everyday like I had previously done on the weekends when in school or at work. I decided to treat my life at home with the kids as my new career; with the kids as my subordinates and my husband as my boss.

I immediately got planning. I got out a new calendar/journal and allotted time for everything I sought to accomplish each day, week, month, etc. I scheduled everything: Housework, errands, cooking, schooling the children, special projects, paperwork, shopping.... I even put reminders to give the kids their baths and change the bed sheets and the fish’s water. I PLANNED EVERYTHING!
Now every morning I wake up with an agenda. I have the drive of being able to cross off the things on my list each day. That helps me conquer the feelings of unimportance because I can see on paper that I am getting so much done.

I don’t get terribly stringent on WHEN things get accomplished in the day. I know that life with small children doesn’t necessarily fit into strict time slots. And the purpose of the schedule was not to stress me out or rush us all day. It is a guideline to keep me on track.
I have discovered that I actually have a lot of time to do almost anything I want. Being at home with the kids is no longer the reason I can’t do the things I desire to do, (read my Bible, pray, exercise, write, etc.) rather, it’s what enables me to do them. I had completely eliminated the dull gaps in my day where I would just sit and think about how I had “nothing to do”.
This was such a refreshing change that I decided to carry the concept over to other areas of my life. For example: I have a calendar on the wall on which I write out all the suppers that I’m going to fix. I spend one afternoon going through my recipe books and cook books and I plan all the suppers out ahead of time. This way I know in advance that on the nights we go to church we’ll have something quick and easy to fix, and on the nights we have company we’ll have a larger meal, and on Sundays we’ll have a meal in the crock pot so it’s ready when we get home, etc. As I write out the meals I also begin to make my weekly grocery lists (while I have the recipes handy). That way I’m sure to have all the ingredients handy for each meal. Then, before I go shopping, all I have to do is add the items I need for breakfast and lunch throughout the week and whatever baking necessities I’ve run out of. I even coordinate them with my grocer’s weekly flyers so that I can save us the most money.
Doing it this way may sound like an awful lot of work but it actually saves a lot of time and frustration. I never have to fret over what to fix for supper and I know we’re eating healthy and cost-effectively. Besides, I really enjoy the planning part. I like to go through my cookbooks and try new things.
I have found that having this well-organized approach to things helps me do my job with ease and efficiency making it easier to be content and cheerful. It also helps me get the kids involved. They work with me each day. In the morning, when they ask what we’re going to do that day all I have to do is check the book and say “Well, it’s dusting day and then we’ll vacuum and clean the basement”, or something to that effect. We know what we need to do so we’re able to do it with gladness. And we always make sure to leave plenty of time for romping, reading, catching frogs, and feeding bugs to the chickens, etc (all things three small boys love to do).
So that’s my secret of being a SAHM. I take my “job” seriously. With all my time and effort I take care of my home. My “boss” (husband) knows that his best worker (me) is capable and motivated to do the best job each day. Now, when I fill out forms that ask for occupation I always smile as I proudly pen my title: Homemaker.

By: Amanda M. Paul

Matt. 25:21
21His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’


Titus 2:1-5
1But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: 2that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience; 3the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—4that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.